When Kid Becomes Kuya

    From the first ultrasound to the succeeding prenatals, I have my growing and ever curious taekwondo jin of a son. =) He has the most questions for my OB Gyn than me. He'd be walking around the clinic looking at posters on the wall, then pan his gaze on another chart, then ask questions about them. Good thing my OB was nice and patient enough to answer each one of them.

Back at home on one of those nights I was tucking him in bed, he rubbed my belly and asked " I wonder what  "Angelo" would look like when he comes out" . I smiled. During the first weeks, he has been referring to the fetus as is, then I asked him to give the fetus a nickname so he won't have to be calling it just 'fetus'. That's when he came up with"Angelo".  I asked him where did he get the name, and he answered "i thought of it, tha's all"  =)

***  It just gets me each time he would get so thoughtful towards me and the baby. At one time, he would notice both us wearing sneakers. Then he'd stop a while in deep thought then ask me : Mommy, so if your tummy gets rrreally big, wouldn't it be hard for you to tie your rubber shoes?". I answered him with a yes. Then he quickly replied "Don't worry mommy. When your tummy gets bigger na, I'll be the one to  tie your shoes". .Then my heart goes a-quickmelt..

***  Walking up Session Road to the gym after school, I was trying to tell him to walk faster so we won' be late for his after school taekwondo. Short of breath, he'd ask me anxiously "Can you actually run?". "No, I can't".
Then he tells me "I know. 'Cause pregnant women can't run. It's dangerous. Let's just walk" Ha ha haha.

*** More Kuya-Sanggoyisms to come =) 

The Look ---and Shape of Blessings to Come

 I know. I was all excited at the prospect me being able to land a job. A Job! I had a month to prepare and tune up. And part of that preparation meant undergoing the company's mandatory medical exam. So there i was at the company med-shop when an attendant came in and asked: Ma'm first po is Chesp X-ray. May period po kayo?"
. .. Like a lightbulb turned on in my head, I immediately blurted ou --- "Ah, wait... I'm kinda delayed.." So they offered me a preg-test to which I obliged.
    Three days after, a call from the HR and the Team Leader gave me all the answers to my anxiety. They had to put me on active file --- because of my pregnancy. Tic toc tic toc.
    No, I'm not disappointed. I'm rather happy. A preggo on night shift is definitely not a good and safe sight, neither is it a good thing for the company. Though, I must admit, I'm left again with that months-old question again of "what and where to apply?" because, I totally need gran for saving, most especially now.

As for the moment, I am savoring these full-time SAHM moments plus the morning sickness. All i could tell the universe is : THANK YOU! My heart is happy, my prayer for a baby has been granted =) Ohm Shanti!

There. My new lil' coffee bean Angel! =)

                                  

The First of Many Days to Come.

The rains were peltering hard early morning as we awoke to a busy day. It's my son's first day in school. By either instinct or pre-planned thinking, there i was chopping and washing away in the kitchen unmindful of my disheveled morning hair .

Oh yes, the baon/ lunch box prep was just as it is: happy hassle. In the midst of all the rush that mornting of firsts, I was brought back to my own early gradeschool days where everyone was so busy preparing to leave the house and go about their day's mindings. My sister, me, and my youngest brother - bustling for school, while Daddy and Mommy- off to work too. The small house where we lived in becomes this small factory  of busy housemates walking to and fro, either to the cramped bathroom, or to the tiny kitchen beside it.

Juan Tenorio's voice and his entire morning program booming in the background was an indispensable morning ritual for our parents. This includes listening to the day's public service programs to the blotters, the music aaand, the birthday greetings part. Consequently, we grew up sort of memorizing the radio program's music and even station ID down to the very last note (toinks!) --- oh and yes, they become our day's Last Song Syndrome often times. A morning without the program in the background felt like, to me today, a day without coffee!

My task back then was packing in our baons. I remember preparing 4 lunchboxes, the fourth belonging to my mom's. Lucky Daddy he has his lunch covered at the office where he worked loyally for so many years (until now). I would scoop rice onto a lunch box and ask that owner whether the rice was enough.  It seems to me, since then, I have seemingly mastered each and everyone's serving.

And as I look at it now, I smile at the fact that here I am again into this packing thing, with an added twist --- no longer for my sister and brother but now for My Kid. I don't just pack em, but I also have to decide on what to pack. I realized how hard and arduous it must have been with my own mom waking up every morning deciding and preparing the day's meals for everyone. The difference now is that I am yet to be employed. Back then, both mom and dad were working, our Aunt who would baby sit us have gone back home. There was even no fridge in the house. It all had to be just as exact for the day's consumption. I have a renewed appreciation for my Mom's efforts for us. It was noooo joke!

Now, at least I have a fridge around to store whatever it is to keep from spoiling. My kid has got better "tupperwares" for his lunch. WHile the cooking part is indispensable, I have yet to see how I'd  fare by the time my employment training starts in July.

For now, I do enjoy this pretty morning hassle ritual. While a different yet modern radio station plays in the background, to me, the sounds of my gradeschool morning years ring in my mind -- like a parallel universe thing. It keeps me sane. It keeps me connected to the love my Mom and Dad have for us. The same love I would like my kid to feel and keep with him as he grows.

Now everything that's electrically "On" is turned off. The house gets dark. One final shut at the door, and everybody scampers up the stairs into the waiting car.The house is left all alone and silent. Off we go into the morning rush hour traffic. Day One almost complete. Welcome to My own First of Many Days to come.

P.S. .. If you're an eighties Baguio Kid, I'm sure you'd still recall Juan Tenorio's stand upper that goes "Talagah namaaaan, The bessssst! Hmmmm hmmm hmmm hmm hmm! Yeahhhh!" .and that "Happy Happy Happy Bertday" song. Dang, it hasn't left my memory. One shot at those nostalgic tunes -- and I'm young again.

Have a great day! =)

But Then AGain...

It's just so ---amazing--- and confounding how the perplexities of life could play on you. One moment, you're on your knees practically bullying the heavens for a wish to be granted, then next you're at your nerve's end ready for a pinball panic....and when the results come out, you could just feel your heart dropping down your stomach... then to oblivion. Silence, Introspection ensues.

. . . Deafening, heart wrenching silence....
     "Only Solang's name came up from the list..." announced my MIL after reading an SMS sent her. I tried to be defiant at first, thinking they must have missed the "S" list. With heart pounding like it's my last, I desperately fumbled for the list through my husband's phone. None on the "T", None on the "S". There on the Abanao parking lot it sank in on me: I failed the Bar - - again.
   AFter all the praying and the meditating and the killer self-imposed boot camp reviews, it made me think and ask myself- - -what else have i missed doing again this time? After taking the bar a third time, I just couldn't help but come to two points: Either lawyering isn't in my life map or that my mind isn't wired for things like this --aka ---dumb.
Questions immediately hounded me. What next? I honestly don't know. Of all the things in life that I had to learn, it is the fact that you can't make decisions when you're hurting much. You can't force your mind to come up with healthy life paths when you're wounded and badly in need of time away to lick your wounds clear and healed.
...For two days following the release, I tried to calm myself. I'd try to look for some advice and some of them really miffed me. Much as I would like to appeal to the good in what they want for me, I cringe when they try to tell me to "find another passion since I have my Communications degree". So what about my LLB? Have they forgotten that too? Why do I hate hearing advises like that? Perhaps because the dream is still alive...
Yes, I truly and deeply desire becoming a lawyer. I just have to pass the bar. But then again.....