A Steelguitar Moan (a la Blue Kentucky girl) Kinda' Day....

Imagine a Patsy Cline steel guitar instrumental playing in the background as you read this....

There is no license to feel. So more or less, I could exploit it to hell and back again like I wont be able to feel anymore. (Or more like, till i get all mentally and emotionally caloused)...

So Today... or for just this morning, at least let me be lonely and bluesy. Make that like a scene with my over-chemically exposed bangs sliding down my face like the picture of a geisha in that famous memoir- novel.

Not that I want to bring bad ju- ju to my remedial law quiz and make-up day. Not that I want to spoil some precious time on the pc screen doing a faux mope as i type this stupid tablet-caused malady...instead of chewing Sir Centensky's notes page by page .

I will not cry. I will not even sob.. i guess. When I know that what is supposed to be mine i'snt actually fuckin' mine. When will i ever learn to mark my "chattels" as mine and pee on my grounds? Because I trust too much. Fucking trust. Fucking make- believe. Fuck the optimists who lured meself to believe in the promise of bliss... (uhhhh... optimist? wasnt that you, self? )

I am not into optimism that much i guess. It's been just a matter of convincing yourself that a spiny cactus is the new rose... that black is the new pink... that crying is the new smile. or that fooling yourself is the new trend of being the O-word. shoooooooot.

Oh well, finders keepers. Losers, weepers. What's mine on "effing" paper, is mine. I don't care if somebody drops ink on it or tears a piece of it.. or tear it away from me a piece at a time (sure, mommy says "share"! fucking share)....or perhaps even if someone "effing" borrows it  when i'm not aware... like all behind my texas... este Baguio- sized Butt!!! As to my last year in school, ..... well, here's to more of my hen-pecked schooldays !!!

Hurt me, Baby! hurt me y'all. Hurt me like y'all find pleasure in it. take that pleasure and shove it up to ya' God knows where! yeeeee haaaaaaaaaah. Arrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhrrrr.

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

    I was about to title this one "IN SCHOOL FOR THE WRONG REASONS"... but when I began tapping away my law school pondering, I hear my son screeching on my mobile (kasi po, ginawang alarm ang boses!!!)... .so I deleted the first title and change it to "MY, MY, MY... HOW HE HAS GROWN".
     So there I  began ..again... poring over the keyboard about the nuances of motherhood.... but then, this nasty folder on my lap slid down the floor, revealing my legal practicum and that coveted watchamacallit signature. So i thought of writing about rationalizing the boon and bane of  that "space in time" called  living a dream faux-pas, a la fait acomplii... watever....
     Heck, I got lost. Suddenly, it just came to me that i am just here stuck in this pc corner enjoying the electric fan as i sought refuge from the confusing heat of Baguio; that I am just here resting my feet from my own hobby of "walk baguio walk" in two- inch heels and black palm beach slacks; that i am here just to tire meself all the more.
     So, with my noggin sweat all dried and gone, with my feet kinda' decently rested, and my crave for email and friendster browsing satisfied,  I might as well sign out. just like those tv channels post- sign off with the multi-colored bars blankly flashed across the screen and that never- ending bleeeeeeep to go with it.
     So.... AYT!!!.... Lot-lotz OUT!!!! Bleeeeeeeeeeeee.....eeeee.....(you'll never hear the end of it!).......eeeeee......eeeeep!!!!!!!

AI AI AI,INCENDIO!!!!

  They say we find fireworks when we fall in love. Hell, these incediaries don't just come when you're on the "up time".
   My other kind of fireworks came unknowingly no matter how I strangely craved for it to come. These fireworks may be my closure, my painful bombastic closure which required a really "que dolor" kind of flashback.
   Funny how it felt like having a blast to the bast through an inhumane kick in the butt. All the memories I chose to bury in the deep and dark crevices of my brain all seem to come thundering up and out and whirled around in black dust for a moment before it zapped like gone. I have waited so much for this closure yet I never realized that this is how it felt when the time finally came.
   The moment was painful. Painful  yet empowering. Yet the amazing thing that helped me through the ordeal was thinking of people I find my bit of solace in really "elektra ala cuckoo" times.
     The words were painful, and as the acid tears stung my eyes and cheeks, I just imagined myself crying in my mom's lap ( though I never tried so) and  in another scene, that I was hugging my sane and shrink friend Lea. The scene were buffers... and I felt better...( Heps, I would never imagine hugging my child in this. the moment was just  to thick with adult pessimism!!!)
    I guess The Man Up There really moves in mysterious ways. He knows when and how to keep you from losing yourself when He sees you starting to drown in your own self-imposed misery. You find yourself on the down low after a fight and the next thing you know, a good friend texts you up for a killer coffee, or some thought about a friend consoling you pops up. For every action is an opposite reaction, and the next thing you know, order in the universe as you know it , is now restored.

Wish I Could do an O_O_B_E!!!

    If I were to float around town like an ectoplasm, would I feel the same damned feeling I get when I feel so helpless with getting things I really want? Would an ectoplasm feel this left out and lonely despite being amidst a throng of people....

i walk the line....

...ten thirty, session road, in my navy blazer , black trousers and black boots. School was over some hour and a half ago. And there I was walking...with a headfull of thoughts and a confused and meandering central nervous system.
   I love walking because it gives me this sense of freedom (freedom from what, i don't know). But there's also something about walking that tells me that... "hey self, i think something's gone haywire somewhere in the crevices of your brain".
   And this walk night seems to be one of those latter thing. ... But i refuse to think that something is wrong... or maybe i should not think that something really is wrong. What the hell...

"my girl's in the next room, sometimes i wish it was you"..

"honey why you calling me so late? It's kinda hard to talk right now..."

and the song continues

"my girl's in the next room, sometimes I wish it was you.."

....I WONDER HOW THE GIRL IN THE OTHER ROOM FEELS ABOUT THIS...
I guess, when I get lucky to be a lawyer.. Family Law would be a very lucrative  business... but to think that  a lot get hooked up  and their partner go astray  for a  meager reason that they're bored, or that they don't really love the person they are with because it's not the person they really want to SHAPE into.. .I think that is plain twisted thinking, and selfish too.

Doctor Phil must start breeding tons of his kind into this world.....

MY BEST WISHES.....

He's getting married on a saturday. I am just so happy for the bride, not because she hit the jackpot.. but also because i could say she is a friend of mine... pretty and strong, she is about to embark on another life phase called marriage.

To Aurea, my best of wishes for her and her groom. Mwah!!!

Mutual Respect VS plain obedience VS blind adherrence : #1

     I think some people out there should know when their teammate makes them feel like cheated upon.

this is not a matter of blind adherrence. it's a matter or respect.

     When someone tells you to believe what they say, believe it with a space for yourself.

THis is not mere obedience. It's hoping that it's a matter of mutual respect.

NEED for a LAXATIVE! (flush out the biyatch-ey toxin!!!)

YEs, when the Brioche Bread syndrome bites like red ants out of nowhere...or probably from a  cellphone log record shouting out "RED LIGHT! RED LIGHT! "... indicating that the scrawny "shikki" has made signal again.... AY AY AAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

i just wana say... "HEY COKIE! I OWE ANYONE NUTHIN SORTA LIKE A TEE-WAY FOR MAH' MAN..NOT ESPECIALLY FROM A BIYATCH LIKE YOU!"

....So, Cross the line, woman....and GET  ETERNAL BLACKOUT. no heaven, biyatch.... just the cold red earth.

to Jill-ee Anne

hush, my sweet. Mommy's love is there to keep

a job to find, to see you through

a dad so anonymous still, yet so true

nothing missing, not a life

only happiness should make you weep....mwah mwah mwah....

Lawyers! There are always EXCEPTIONS (A Repost)

These are from a book called Disorder in
the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for
word, taken down and now published by
court reporters who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.
___________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does
it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it
affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us
an example of something you forgot?
_________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true
that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the
Next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the
bar exam?
_________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
___________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
___________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception
(of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at
that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
___________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your
Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose
terminated it?
____________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height
and had a Beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
____________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress
when I go to work.
__________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are
performed on dead people. Would you
like to rephrase that?
_______________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be
oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_______________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at
the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the
table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
__________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a
urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to
ask that question?
__________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that
the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was
sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient
have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that
he could have been alive and practicing
law.