Lawyers! There are always EXCEPTIONS (A Repost)

These are from a book called Disorder in
the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for
word, taken down and now published by
court reporters who had the torment of
staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.
___________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does
it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it
affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us
an example of something you forgot?
_________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true
that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the
Next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the
bar exam?
_________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
___________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
___________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception
(of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at
that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
___________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your
Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose
terminated it?
____________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height
and had a Beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
____________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress
when I go to work.
__________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are
performed on dead people. Would you
like to rephrase that?
_______________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be
oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_______________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at
the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the
table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
__________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a
urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to
ask that question?
__________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that
the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was
sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient
have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that
he could have been alive and practicing
law.