. . . Deafening, heart wrenching silence....
"Only Solang's name came up from the list..." announced my MIL after reading an SMS sent her. I tried to be defiant at first, thinking they must have missed the "S" list. With heart pounding like it's my last, I desperately fumbled for the list through my husband's phone. None on the "T", None on the "S". There on the Abanao parking lot it sank in on me: I failed the Bar - - again.
AFter all the praying and the meditating and the killer self-imposed boot camp reviews, it made me think and ask myself- - -what else have i missed doing again this time? After taking the bar a third time, I just couldn't help but come to two points: Either lawyering isn't in my life map or that my mind isn't wired for things like this --aka ---dumb.
Questions immediately hounded me. What next? I honestly don't know. Of all the things in life that I had to learn, it is the fact that you can't make decisions when you're hurting much. You can't force your mind to come up with healthy life paths when you're wounded and badly in need of time away to lick your wounds clear and healed.
...For two days following the release, I tried to calm myself. I'd try to look for some advice and some of them really miffed me. Much as I would like to appeal to the good in what they want for me, I cringe when they try to tell me to "find another passion since I have my Communications degree". So what about my LLB? Have they forgotten that too? Why do I hate hearing advises like that? Perhaps because the dream is still alive...
Yes, I truly and deeply desire becoming a lawyer. I just have to pass the bar. But then again.....
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